Today, well… not so great as yesterday. IDK why I was even so upbeat. Had no reason to be. Today? I just want to lie in bed and sleep all day. I cant just go to a friends house, my insurance has lapsed, and I dont have a phone so I cant call my friends, they cant call me. Really the only person who has kept contact with me at all is my Broski. She’s been messaging me on Facebook. She actually keeps better contact now than she did thru texting. Weird. IDK when I’ll get my disbursement in, site says 1-3 days after it posts to my student account, but some people say it could take up to 14 days. So IDK. I thought I felt alone before… but now??? Now I feel like I only have one friend. I know people get busy, but damn… itd be nice just to hear a “Hey. How are you?” every once in a while. Seems if someone cant text you, they forget about you. Good to know.
Okay, so that sounds a little nuts. But yes, I’ve decided to date myself. I am tired of not being loved, so I’m gonna love myself. Take myself on a date, make love to myself, let me know I appreciate me. Everything I want in another female, I have within myself. I’m chilvarous, I hold open doors for me all the time; I’m loving, I’ll let your mind figure that one out ;) In short, I’ll be the best GF I’ve ever had. Only thing I can gain from a GF is disappointment and heartbreak. Everything will fade or die out one day, but I wont have to worry, because I’ll have me until I die. I dont need a gf, Hell I dont even want one. I just basically want a companion. But I can just get a pet for that. I may get lonely at times, but no one could ever love me, like I love me. And thats the truth.
So my day went from good to friggin great! I decided to check on my discussion board about our reflections on last weeks debate. I mentioned in the discussion that I didnt receive any counter arguments, and that I was worried that no one read it. Classmates responded, telling me it was put together so well that they couldnt find anything to counter with and even the instructor commented saying she saved my debate to use in future classes as a distinguished example.
I’ve kept fairly busy. Yesterday (4/22), I actually got out the house. Of course, it was tuesday, and I donate plasma on tuesdays and fridays every week. So at least I have 2 days to look forward to where I can get out and see people and interact with them. I used to hate going to work at the deli because of all the customers I had to deal with. Now, I miss it. Not because it meant a steady paycheck and paid bills, but because I got to interact with people. Now when I get to talk to someone, be it friend or stranger, I cherish it a little more. Sometimes, I get so desperate for a conversation, that as I’m doing school work, I often speak as I type to hear a voice. I still dont have enough to buy a refill card for my phone, so I cant call anyone. It’ll be solved soon, sometime between now and friday. Disbursements are coming in this week. They posted on the school page today, so it’s either gonna be in my account tonight, or 3 days from now.
I missed the lab for my first course class (Developing a psych perspective) monday, but caught it last night. Only 2 more weeks to go in this class. I will miss my instructor, she is so energetic. Keeps my attention easily. She’s begun to call me one of her superstars because I am always trying to answer her questions, even if I get it wrong. Cant be perfect all the time. The lab was about the paper are supposed to write over the next 2 weeks about the cause of depression, same thing our debate was about. I’m still waiting on the grades from those. I hope I did well. We were basically told to copy and paste our debate onto paper form, and add a few things that we learned from the debate from counter arguments. The draft is due sunday, the final due next week. The weeks go by faster now. So far I’m still maintaining an A+ in both classes. I am very happy about that. Next quarter I’ll be able to start getting on dean’s list. And my grant from the school begins to take effect next quarter, as well. So my disbursements that will come to me will increase for the next year and a half. This is good news for me, as I can save up more, and pay off my car by christmas-my christmas gift to myself (MY TITLE).
Today is only halfway over, but I’ve already accomplished so much. Discussion boards are due tomorrow, but I finished them all today, and took my unit 3 quiz in my intro to psych class, got another 100. Of course, it was multiple choice. You KNOW I took my time to look the ones I couldnt remember up in the book. I wouldnt consider that cheating, but others may. IDC tho, im making good grades and remembering a lot of facts. I’ve also noticed that my reading composition has greatly improved because reading an article filled with large medical terms, and after reading so many informative articles over these past few weeks have trained my brain to think more critically. I’m getting smarter, and its actually helping ease depression. Tumblr helps too. Here, I can say what I need in writing to get what is in my head out, and in the open. Anyone could read these, as they are left public. But this way I’m not aggravating my friends, nd its actually helped my friendships become stronger. Benefits of keeping a journal, blog, whatever… Bottom line is, i’m starting to feel better, all on my own. Guess I dont need anyone but myself after all.
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